Secret Scotland

If it's secret, and in Scotland…

After posting the most useless shop, let’s try for the most useful

After ending July with the most useless shop ever, I thought I’d better make up for the black humour spawned by that sighting with something that’s actually potentially really just as likely to be tragic, but is generally more likely to raise a laugh.

Here’s the most useful shop (if you have insurance, and have an accident, and need a solicitor).

I guess I don’t need to go digging up past news about accident statistics for this one, unlike yesterday’s where I felt the need to throw in some memory jogging regarding how wealthy we are, here in the east end of Glasgow.

Heck, we probably need solicitors, just to help with the accident claim after we fall off our wallets, so fat because we are all so wealthy here.

Accidents Will Happen

Accidents Will Happen

 

August 1, 2017 Posted by | Civilian, photography | , , , , | Leave a comment

Most useless shop ever

A little bit of fun to end the month with, I almost burst a gut laughing when I looked across the road and spotted this business/shop in Shettleston. I must have caught them on early closing day.

Wealth Management?

In Glasgow’s east end?

In Shettleston?

Who are they kidding?

Maxim Wealth Management

Maxim Wealth Management

If you believe what you read in the media, or what activists tell you, then this will give you an idea why my funny bone was enjoying itself…

Scotland’s Glasgow areas of Shettleston, Springburn, Maryhill and Baillieston have been named as being among the 10 most deprived spots in the UK.

 

Scotland’s poorest place located

Scotland’s poorest and richest areas revealed

430,000 Scots kids living on the poverty line shock

I don’t believe most of what I read (to be specific, I believe any FACTS quoted, but not any of the spin, claims, or political drivel attached), and the chances of me not collapsing to the ground in fits of hysterical laughter when an activist starts to speak are… well, ‘slim to nil’ would probably not be too far from the truth.

(Note: That’s a real business in Shettleston, but it’s NOT mentioned in, or the subject of this post!)

July 31, 2017 Posted by | Civilian, photography | , , , , | Leave a comment

The replacement we need for Dali’s iconic work, Christ of St John of the Cross

It’s already well known that Dali’s Christ of St John of the Cross is set to leave Kelvingrove and begin a series of world tours from September 2017 will see the painting go on loan to the Royal Academy of Arts in London, returning in summer 2018: Salvador Dali painting to leave Glasgow on loan

I don’t think I saw any mention of what will take its place, but I’m guessing a copy will take its place, to mitigate some of the disappointment visitors may suffer.

However…

Given that Dali was the creator of the original, perhaps this find from the interwebs might suggest a possible alternative, which would also pay tribute, or ‘cat tax’ to our feline overlords:

Dali Melting Cat

Dali Melting Cat

July 19, 2017 Posted by | Civilian, council | , , , , , | Leave a comment

In Glasgow’s deadly east end, not even a Smurf is safe

Some say…

Glasgow is a violent city, and the east end is not somewhere to be after dark, Parkhead being no exception.

In fact, I was appalled to learn that the manager of a small estate agents in Shettleston insisted on having his shop closed and staff on their way home before 6 pm every evening, in the belief that the place turned into some sort of ‘battle zone’ not long after that hour passed, when open gang warfare would break out on the streets, and the locals cowered in their homes waiting for the dawn.

(True story, revealed when the owner – from the affluent suburb of Newton Mearns – would apparently not even allow a shopfitter I knew to work on upgrading the premises after hours to avoid disrupting the business – he preferred just to close down for a week and have the work done during the day.)

It’s all lies, of course.

However, I was shocked to see that not even an innocent little Smurf was safe in the area.

Send the children to bed now, or at least cover their eyes, so they are spared the sight of this unfortunate Smurf I found beaten to a pulp, and left for dead in a street corner near Parkhead Cross.

I’m pretty sure it’s dead.

Dead Smurf

Dead Smurf

July 19, 2017 Posted by | Blogroll, photography | , , | Leave a comment

I found a funny in Street View

OK, I admit this is not the most hysterically funny thing ever found in Street View, but at least it’s not going to be deleted (like some less-than-savoury finds of people caught with their pants down).

I was ‘cruising’ along a road looking for evidence of a new/hidden path that the locals might have opened up to make life a bit easier for themselves with, when I spotted this Transit, ever so slightly modified as the mapping software tried to piece together the various pics that make up the whole view.

I wonder if it’s cramped in there?

Maybe it’s real – and I actually caught Ford testing a special edition based on the tiny microvans they have in China and Japan (kei class).

It was announced they were going to hit out roads back in 2010.

Google Earth Transit

Google Earth Transit

July 16, 2017 Posted by | photography, Transport | , , , | Leave a comment

Spoilt Rotten Cat

I’m sure a funny sign I pass quite often must have been inspired by this old joke:

Stranger: Mr Smith, your son is spoilt.

Mr Smith: He is not, I’ve brought him up properly.

Stranger: I didn’t say you spoilt him, but that road roller…

Spoilt Rotten Cat Sign

Spoilt Rotten Cat Sign

I’m sure this isn’t the one I wanted to catch a pic of.

That one was bigger, and even funnier, with the longer text of…

WE JUST PAY THE MORTGAGE!

June 30, 2017 Posted by | Civilian, photography | , , , | Leave a comment

Celtic clearly chose the wrong planners

My first thought on seeing a story about Celtic FC building a hotel and museum was to wonder why the proposal was to have it near the apparently empty Emirates shed built for the dopey 2014 Commonwealth Shames.

I’ve yet to walk past this huge hangar and see anything happening there.

It’s surrounded by a vast car park that lies empty too, with only a handful of cars to be seen whenever I walk through the deserted space.

The only useful thing I’ve seen there is an EV charging spot, but even that has never had a vehicle present when I’ve been there.

I’ve seen more activity in the waste management site across the road from this place, which produces a lovely ‘odour’ that wafts across the road to the arena when the wind is in the right direction!

Celtic FC hotel and museum ‘would create 120 new jobs’

But the saddest part of this news release was the part when it became clear that the planners chosen did not have a clue about the area, as they stated:

The statement continued: “The direct creation of over 100 new employment opportunities will be a major boost to the area and will clearly contribute towards the key planning aim of achieving sustainable economic growth.

There is currently no quality hotel accommodation within the area between the city centre and Tollcross despite the key attractions of Celtic Park and the Emirates Arena.

“The current lack of hotel accommodation in the vicinity means that everyone attending events at the football stadium or the arena requires to travel on the day of the event, adding to traffic volumes in the surrounding area.”

It added: “By locating the proposed hotel immediately beside the stadium and arena pressure on the local transport network will be reduced, particularly at times of peak movement.

“Experience elsewhere also demonstrates that hotel restaurant and cafe/bar facilities adjoining a football stadium can help to spread the timing of trips over a greater time period avoiding peak periods.”

Seriously?

These planners clearly failed to do their homework, and take note of The Bellgrove Hotel, just a short distance away, in the Gallowgate.

Seems ideal to me.

Bellgrove Hotel

Bellgrove Hotel

June 20, 2017 Posted by | Civilian | , , , | Leave a comment

Anybody lost a drunk celebrity?

Harrods Booze Bag

Harrods Booze Bag

When I came across this tacky Harrods bag at the side of the south-bound lane of the A74 dual-carriageway, complete with the broken glass of a bottle of booze (label unfortunately ruined and unreadable) and a plastic bottle of something to mix with it…

All I could think of was the image of some drunk, waste-of-skin celebrity, embedded in the front of a London-bound lorry they had staggered in front if in their stupor.

But – probably not.

And we’re not supposed to think such thoughts anyway, since humour from such a scenario, probably fatal, is not allowed these days.

Let’s forget that though, and just imagine the removal of one celebrity as illustrated by this Vietnamese police officer, who tried to ticket a coach, only to the find the driver was having a bad day:

Vietnam Coach with Police Attached

Vietnam Coach with Police Attached

Just picture your (least) favourite waste-of-skin holding on like that for the 400+ mile jolly down to London.

Sad to say, not likely these days since the M74 extension opened nearby, and took most of this traffic away.

June 20, 2017 Posted by | Civilian, photography | , , , | Leave a comment

Hope the cat is OK and got a new home

Spotted this sad and sorry sight on the way home recently.

I hope the resident wasn’t injured in the collapse of their home, but then again, it might have been their own fault, and the place just couldn’t stand the strain of all those ‘pussy pound’ bearing down on it, and just gave up one day.

Fat Cat Broken Home

Fat Cat Broken Home

This may be a build defect which the local planning authority has failed to catch during the inspection and approval process, as many similar cases of cats becoming homeless after such a disaster can be found online.

Perhaps it is not actually the cats that are the cause, but poorly designed and manufactured perches.

Perhaps we need the Americans to raise the first multi-million dollar class action against the manufacturers and suppliers of these potentially deadly high-rise structures, so that responsibility for failures can be properly established in court?

Online example of imminent and actual failure:

Fat Cat Broken Perch

Fat Cat Broken Perch

June 6, 2017 Posted by | Lost, photography | , , , , | Leave a comment

Would you go for a date in this car?

I’d actually walked past this Mini in Shettleston before the potential of the registration number occurred to me, but I almost automatically run the options in my head as I read a plate.

I don’t like personalised registrations that need the utilisation of a code-book (and illegal character spacing) to work out what the owner had in mind when they bought it.

Letter prefix ‘D’ means this is originally a 1986/7 issue, so not original to this 2005 Mini Cooper and a deliberate choice by the owner.

And it doesn’t take much imagination or effort (or a code-book) to read ‘Date Kill’ from ‘D8 KLL’.

Mini Cooper Registration D8 KLL

Mini Cooper

May 12, 2017 Posted by | Civilian, photography, Transport | , , | Leave a comment

Nae Eye Deer roam Cunningar Loop Woodland Park

Following on from the previous sculpture post

Love it loathe, Glasgow humour works, even if can’t be understood, or needs translation for ‘foreigners’.

I saw these deer in their unmolested form just after the park opened and I (finally) got to have a wander around the loop. I was so shocked at finally getting into the place, after trying for about FIVE* years (maybe more, I can’t remember when I first tried to get onto the loop), I forgot about that batch of pics, and never got around to using them.

But back to the fun, and when I had a quick wander after the new footbridge over the River Clyde was found to be finished and open recently, re-acquainted myself with some of the residents.

Cunningar Loop Nae Eye Deer

Cunningar Loop Nae Eye Deer

Translation:

Whit’s thatWhat is that?

Nay eye deerNo idea.

Genius!

Please note also that Scots are NOT grammatically illiterate, and the apostrophe has been both placed and used correctly.

See also:

Deer sculpture story

  • Unfortunately, I found out how to access the area of Cunningar Loop some years before the 2014 Commonwealth Shames were inflicted on Glaswegians, and when I took a walk to the access road found my way barred by gates and fencing, but was promised a great new park was being created behind, and would be open BEFORE the Shames began.

Of course, this never happened, but the fences and gates stayed up, promises of the park continued, funding apparently dried up, more promises, and two years after the Shames the place did finally materialise, and even got its bridge.

So, not at all bad in the end, and as someone who lives on the opposite side of the river from the original access road in Dalmarnock, I also appreciate that new bridge

May 6, 2017 Posted by | Civilian, photography | , , | Leave a comment

%d bloggers like this: